Mini Personal Trainer.

Amara has many, many quirks - and nicknames! Today, those quirks and all her many nicknames grew. Food Thief, Attention Hog, and Fitness Expert Extraordinaire. 

Amara, making sure dad stays on-task.

We recently set up our Total Gym. Exercising, being more active, and becoming more fit were all a part of my 2014 Endeavor. (I'll be doing an update on that Endeavor soon!) So the family agreed - the Total Gym needed to be set up. Currently it is in our sun room/green house/doggie salon/storage room. This morning while I was in the sun room putting on my gardener hat and tending to my veggies, dad sat down on the total gym to do a few exercises before work.

Next thing we knew - Amara hopped right on for the ride!



Occasionally she tried lick his face, but mostly she made herself comfortable on his lap.
Now she is dad's Personal Fitness Coach. What can I say, it's a tough life being a spoiled pup.

This is what happens when I try to exercise

I was trying to do my Friday exercise session this afternoon, as per my 2014 Goal Endeavor, but it didn't go quite as planned. While I had goals of activity...well, my pups had different goals.

This is pretty standard procedure. (Just my first time capturing it on camera!) Either Peaches and Amara claim my mat for their bed or they snuggle in close to me, making maneuvering difficult. In this particular instance Peaches claimed my footsie as her pillow. They're just so cute that I don't care it takes me longer to do my sessions because of them.

I may be their own owner, but I'm fairly certain they own me. And I love every second of it.

Knitting Holes Together Again

I have learned to knit!

(Confession: Okay, maybe it is more relearned. It's been a...very, very long time since I last picked up needles and yarn. I might as well have been learning for the first time!)

Even though January is not nearly over, I have accomplished my first learning task. For the past few several years a bag of yarn has been sitting on the top shelf of my closet beside my bag of knitting books and dozens of needles of varying sizes. They've been sitting there. Untouched. I've been itching to use them but I keep making excuses for why I don't. I don't have anyone to give finished projects to. I'll get too addicted. I have so many other projects to do! Mainly: I don't have enough time!

Well, so long excuses! Helllloooo, action!

A week of emotional turmoil that ripped at my heart could only be cured through some creative play. But I had no inspiration to draw. Words wouldn't come when I tried. Painting felt like too much work. My camera weighed 2 tons. I sat there, trying to charge through the numb haze I was living in by use of comedies and reading. Not even they could distract me. My mind was a hamster wheel - going, going, going.

Knitting filled the void that was growing in my chest. It brought me back together, back to my center so that I could heal. It gave me focus. While I knit, my mind could wander and wrestle with the situation, then come right back, ebbing and flowing like the ocean waves. Without driving me crazy it let me work through my hurt. You could say it knit my holes together.

What do I have to show for it?

A new, warm, short scarf! Through use of knitting books and youtube videos (my favorite source for knitting help is knittingtipsbyjudy) I was able to cast on, successfully knit stitch and bind off. More excitedly for me, though, was that I was able to successfully do something I have never attempted before: add a new ball of yarn. In the past, when I used to knit, I had cast on, cast off and completed the knit stitch. Never once had I ever added a new ball of yarn the proper way. Cautious me do that? No way! I was too nervous! Instead I'd tie a knot between the two balls and go on with my knit stitches as normal.

Going with my new trend of stepping beyond my comfort zone and learning new things, I didn't give myself the option of security this time around. With help from knittingtipsbyjudy's video,  How to Knit: Binding Off, I completed it like a pro. It looks as if I just used one ball of yarn for the whole thing.

I was beaming afterward. I remember racing upstairs from my apartment to show my parents. I was like a kid who just learned something for the first time. Proud. Excited.

The scarf was not without difficulties. A bit too late I discovered I didn't have enough yarn to bind off. I could not find any more yarn that matched the balls I used. It was a nerve wrecking conundrum. After the success of casting on, my knit stitches and adding a new ball of yarn I didn't want to wreck the best looking scarf I had ever made.

Stubbornness took over. Hard-headed stubbornness.

By the end of it, I was holding on to a length of yarn the size of my finger nail, trying to finish the last stitch of the bind off. It was crazy. It was insane. My hands were shaking. My heart was pounding, palms sweating. But it worked. I couldn't be more happy!

I might just wear this to classes tomorrow!

What have you fun thing have you learned lately? When was the last thing you knit?

Imaginary Loves: First read of 2014

Before the end of last semester a friend of mine placed this book in my hand and told me "you must read this." I brought it home, placed it on my bookshelf and there it sat. And sat. And sat. Finals came and went. The holiday rush zoomed by. Next I knew it was the New Year, sparkling new and dangling commitment-free hours tantalizingly in front of me. Hot cocoa in hand, warm pajamas and a snuggle-y blanket I snatched up this promising read.

 I finished Sundays at Tiffany's in the period of two days with interrupted reading. Every moment was worth it. While I cannot vouch that it has been the most life-changing book I have read, or that it is my favorite, it is a well written, heartwarming book with likeable characters, and a plot that spoke to the core of my being. The little girl in me couldn't help but imagine what it would have been like to have my perfect, imaginary friend from childhood step back into my life, for real, as a source of romance. I mean, really...sign me up for that!

Sundays at Tiffany's was my first introduction to Patterson and his writing. I have passed his books on shelves a dozen times and never picked one up. Ever since I got swept into the hype of Twilight for several years, I have been cautious of authors who get a lot of hype or whose writing gets a lot of advertising. It's an irrational caution, the inner rebel in me no wanting to follow the crowd. Honestly, if a friend hadn't placed this book in my hand and praised it so highly, I may never have thought to pick up a James Patterson novel. Which is such a shame.

Until now I have also been unaware of Gabrielle Charbonnet's work; however, I look forward to becoming more familiar with her writing. From what I can tell (if I trust Almighty Google) she's written several books under her pen name of Cate Tiernan. Immortal Beloved especially catches my eye. (It's the fantasy lover in my soul. ;) )

My usual go-to genre is fantasy or science fiction, but on occasion I'll explore outside of that. (The Fault in Our Stars is one of my favorite books and doesn't come close to either genre, for instance.) I have never been disappointed in that exploration. Still, Patterson's usual crime/thriller novels never struck me as something I'd be interested in. This novel has changed my mind.

I was impressed by the writing in Sundays at Tiffany's. I loved the switch of perspectives between 1st person and 3rd person to distinguish between Michael and Jane as narrators. It allowed for a more intimate connection between the reader and Jane and Michael, while also lifting the pace, keeping the plot moving forward. For me, the novel was more character-centered than plot centered. As someone who thrives on well-fleshed characters, a mostly character driven plot was refreshing and exciting. Patterson and Charbonnet give the characters distinct voices and unique personalities. Their attention to details in the characters, even secondary ones, is admirable. They use details to explain characters as well as their relationships, such as shared made up games, personal quirks, favorites and dislikes, tolerance levels and many more.

For any budding writers that want a successful example of character development and growth, the subtle - and sometimes not-so-subtle - changes in Michael and Jane throughout the novel is prime example. Patterson and Charbonnet show how small things such as a new wardrobe, cutting oneself while shaving, and the development of anger or protectiveness can signal character growth without explicitly stating it.

Changes in Jane's personality shine through as she gains new confidence in coming into her own. My only criticism is that I wish these changes weren't spurred by a new male presence in her life, but from her own core, life experiences or some other form of inspiration. The idea that a male gives you new (or renewed) confidence, though true, is not an admirable example for me. My most lasting confidence has always come from within or my own accomplishments. Confidence gained by a male's presence - or anyone else - is fleeting. If they leave, the confidence and changes it inspired can be shattered. Though fitting for the plot of the story, I would have loved to see Jane's character gain that extra depth. Her story, though, and her development, is probably far more the norm, from my experience. It also does not make her a weak or shallow character, by any means. Anyone who has ever struggled with self-esteem understands how very easy it is for external forces to influence confidence and change.

When I read the novel, I was going through an emotionally turbulent time. Jane's negative self-talk and her oppression by those around her was more than my psyche could take as a result; however, Patterson accurately portrays how someone who does not fit the ideal of beauty, has been berated, and has never been put first might feel, act and react. He also accurately portrays how they might allow others to treat them, including accepting love that is less than they deserve. Having known friends who were treated similarly to Jane, shared many of her thoughts and accepted less than they deserved as well, I was impressed by the relate-ability and accuracy of the portrayal. (One of my favorite scenes had to be Jane deciding to buy herself a diamond ring from Tiffany's. The ultimate show of "I can spoil myself, I'm worth it." Love it! Way to pamper yourself!)

Michael is the perfect man - sensitive, charming, an amazing listener, kind and gorgeous - who sweeps into Jane's life to save the day as a child and then, a bit unexpectedly, as an adult. Who doesn't want the opportunity to fall in love with their imaginary friend? There are a few I wouldn't mind that happening with! This story speaks to every woman's inner child whoever developed the perfect man in their heads as little girls. Patterson and Charbonnet bring reality to the childhood game of make-believe. They build a world transposed upon ours where imaginary friends are assigned to children, where they are not human, but possibly not angels either. Where they can choose invisibility or visibility accept for with their assigned children, to whom they are always seen. While anchored in the reality of our world, the addition of living imaginary friends gives the story enough fantasy to feed my fantasy-hungry soul. There is almost a potentiality of truth due to this light dusting of fantasy, as if it could have been.

 I wish that we had been able to see more of and learn more about this imaginary friend world. The idea of it fascinates me. If Charbonnet and Patterson ever decided to do more novels dealing with imaginary friends, I could see it working. It is a story and world I'd love to revisit.

The short of it: the novel is worth the read. I'm so glad to have started of the new year with this book; it really put me in a state of mind to place my best foot forward told my goals in life, live life a bit freer, and stand up for myself more.

One book down, at least four more to go! I'm going to love this year of goals.

What have you read lately?

Happy New Year: The Endeavor

Admittance: I tend to bite off more than I can chew. I always get ahead of myself with goals, writing to-do lists so long it's near impossible to check everything off. There's a bit of a dreamer there, an idealist. I like to think I can take on the world. (Who doesn't?) Every new year is no different. I sit, I ponder, I plot and plan. All at once a huge, imponderable list of promises unfolds. A vain part of me refuses to call them resolutions, because with that name comes bitter-tasting connotations.They're "goals." The name is gentler, warmer on my soul.

Sometimes I succeed.

More often than not, they fall through - and not from ill intentions. (The best laid plans, right?)

This New Year's Eve I couldn't help but wonder "why?" Why do these not-resolutions slip through my grasp, sliding like putty past my fingers? I'm still not entirely sure of the answer. It's not like I purposefully sink my claws in the ground and refuse to accomplish anything. Maybe the newness of the year wears off. All of the excitement and promise fades with the realization that it is another year, with one that came before and after, each, at some level, fundamentally the same. Some of that invincibility gets shaken and with the list tucked away, out of sight, out of mind, it's easy for good intentions to get lost in the crowd.

Gee, that's not a very good way to boost one's self-esteem. It's a big, waving flag of "you're not able to stick with anything." Over and over again, letting myself down, never proving it to myself that if I stick with it, I can achieve anything.

Well, the overachiever that I am is taking a stand this year. This year I'm going to prove it to myself: I can achieve anything with a bit of persistence and dedication. My strategy? Holding myself accountable. (A new important trend in my life.) Every time I achieve an accomplishment, I'm going to post it. I may start out not wanting to fail because of not wanting to let an external force down - you - but by the end of the year it will have sunk in that with the right motivation, I can get anything done.

I hope you'll join me - post your goals, document your achievements on your little space of the web or comment here. Don't make it too serious! Have fun with it! Make it a game out of it. Take pictures to commemorate each step towards a goal. Develop narratives. Laugh as you fumble through. Laugh at yourself if you slip up in your goals, there's no need to be hard on yourself - start anew tomorrow. Play.

I look forward to seeing your adventures.

My 2014 Goals:
- Play more
- Blog more
- Learn at least one new thing a month
- Read 5 new books this year for fun. 
- Be more adventurous and go out of my comfort zone more, so that, hopefully, it expands!
- Live more from the heart. (Give more freely and more often. Random acts of kindness. Only accept that love I deserve. Live my truth. Speak my truth. Conform less. Be more open, honest and vulnerable in my relationships.)
- Keep better in touch with my friends - and family - than before, no matter how crazy the school year is. See friends more. Call. Write. Skype. The losses of life this year and the year prior that have hit close to home have reminded me how short life is. While I may feel like I am going to live forever some days, I know better. I want every second to count. I want to live forever in a moment, an eternity in a minute.
- Pamper myself 1x a week. Because I'm worth it. Saturday is beautiday!
- Be more active, more fit, including working out at least 1x a week. (With the goal of 1x a day by the end of the year)
-  Meditate for 5-30 minutes a day, every day, no matter how busy I am.
- Write. Beyond this blog, in my stories. No more putting it off!
- Art. Play. Experiment. Get creative.
- Take a trip. I was supposed to go to NH last year to a camp with a friend, but plans fell through. Plans are to make up for that this year!
- Finish at least two unfinished projects. This is a bit of a play on the larger theme of this endeavor, on sticking with things and proving to myself that I can finish things. I've a tendency to not complete things. This goes beyond New Year Goals. In particular, I'm thinking of a few vision boards of mine and a drawing I've never completed but always sweat I will. Completely at least two of my unfinished projects screams "I'm a finisher!" to my brain.
- Get an income.
- Prep for wedding photography. (This is mostly here because I need a reminder to not let this obligation slip from my thoughts. Photographing my brother's wedding means I need to think on and practice poses, camera settings, angles and arrangements.)