Call it what you may; I won’t judge. Personally, I tend to
believe there are larger forces at work. No such thing as
coincidence! It’s probably all in perspective. It’s probably all dependent on
what your belief system is (which is totally okay!). But today’s blog is all
about divine timing’s impact on my life this week and my interpretation of the
events because, well, I’m feeling vulnerable enough to get spiritual here. I
encourage you to do the same, my friends. We can all benefit from little
vulnerability.
(Forewarning: today’s post is going to be a bit more, journal-style than most.)
This week I was on school vacation. I’m blessed to have a school that chooses
to break up its Spring Break into “Winter Break” and “Spring Break.” The double
break is just what a busy college student needs to get through a hectic spring
semester. So, it was a blessing when the beginning of my break came two days
early through consecutive snow-days. (Albeit, it was a mixed blessing: a tough
anatomy & physiology exam has been put off and the further time away from
models dulls the material.) With all the stress and exhaustion I had been
struggling with lately, I welcomed Break like an old friend.
Recently, I did a brief dive into my health struggles through the
Honesty Corner. Well, the start of this break was one of those “this sucks pond water”
moments. From Saturday to Wednesday, my life consisted of lying in bed and
doing nothing. I’m a bit of a control freak –
I know my flaws! – so the fact
this put me so far behind in homework irritated me beyond compare. I’d started
off this break with glorious ideals of getting ahead in classes. After suffering with that
irritation and those lost hopes, I finally gave in to my fate. Let me tell you: surrender never felt so good. I reveled in the
bliss of nothingness. How often do we get time to do nothing – to just be? No
obligations. No pressing deadlines. Just
us, our relaxation, and whatever
passes the time.
For instance, I finally finished BBC’s
Merlin! It has been something I have wanted
to do but time always got away from me. (I highly recommend the series, to
anyone who is curious. Just be prepared to cry buckets at the series finale. It
rips your heart out but is worth every second.)
Sunday, I left the house briefly with my dad on a father-daughter excursion to
a friend’s house. She is a successful Herbalist I work with during the summer
and this year dad is training under her. (He is trying to find another
supplemental form of income that is dear to his heart.) I am so grateful for the
few moments of good-health to enjoy the visit.
It was
great to see her in a different environment and learn about her business, her
passions, and her homelife. The more we talked, the more synchronicities appeared: she once worked the same job my dad worked, she shared several of
his interests, and her reasons for becoming an Herbalist were the same. It was
abundantly clear – we were being shown the mirror image of what dad’s future
could be!
On the way home Dad and I both caught sight of something in a field.
Immediately we scrambled to find a place to turn around, overcome with awe. In
the field were nearly thirty deer. A large portion of them had wandered into
the woods when dad and I made it back to the spot, but I still managed to snag
a few photos of some of them. I cannot tell you how happy I was that I brought
my small camera with me! Something told me to bring my mini back-up with me.
And I am so glad I followed that intuition!
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| There were so many, these are just a few! |
The sight of all of the deer eating in and wandering around the field was
breathtaking. My mother has always had a thing for deer; they are her good-luck
charm. Seeing so many of them, especially after the synchronicities of the
visit we’d just come from was like a neon sign flashing: “YOU’RE GOING IN THE
RIGHT DIRECTION.”
Sunday through Thursday brought a rough patch that snuck up like a
snake. I never saw it coming. Last week, our eldest pup, Peaches,
Her Royal Queen of Fluffdom, suffered what I was convinced was a seizure. Sunday, a week
later, mom and I witnessed her have another. That was it! Done deal. To the
vets we went. There were several indicators in her health that left me weary,
things that I had let slide because I attributed them to her love of food and
hatred of exercise. She’s more tired. Her stomach distended. Now, in light of
this recent health scare, they all seemed vitally important.
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| Peaches, letting her playful side show |
We learned that her eyesight is deteriorating and
that she has a risk of blood clots. More pressing, though, they found she has a
very good sized mass in her abdomen. The prognosis was poor. After giving us
the “good news” of her having a wonderful blood work, the vet brought us out
back to see her x-ray. In a matter of seconds, the world stopped.
If it’s attached to the spleen she’s at risk of rupture, he told us.
I sunk.
There is the difficult choice, he continued, between getting it removed, if it’s
worth it because of her age (as she could die in surgery), or euthanasia. Death
by burst spleen is horrific; it wasn't even an option in our minds.
She has not been featured in any posts yet on this blog, so her disposition might
be difficult to imagine. Let me put it in perspective: she may be going on 11, but when Peaches sees me first thing
in the morning, she is as excited, sprite and playful as she was when she was
smaller than the length of my forearm. Jumping all over the place, tail
wagging, wiggling like crazy. She's got this "puppy at heart" thing
down to a science.
The mere thought of euthanasia – I couldn’t wrap my head around it. She has too
much life.
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| My little white fluffball looks cream when she's surrounded by powdery white snow! |
At home, after the appointment, I found myself on the floor in my bedroom. I
pulled Peaches onto my lap. And I just broke
down. She’s my baby – the last thing I want is for her to suffer, ever.
Knowing she’s had this thing growing in her, without our knowing, made me feel
like I had failed her; I’m supposed to care for her and yet we let her get this. “We
try so hard to take great care of our dogs! How could this happen?” I was terrified for her. I was mad at us.
Peaches was a good sport for a few moments. She let me hold her and sob. Then
she walked down to the end of the hall way, as if telling me it was time for
bed. Hearing that I wasn’t following, she turned and watched me, wagging her
tail in encouragement. "You comin', Katie?" I didn’t budge; I let out another sob.
When I looked up, she had pranced down the hallway to me and planted herself
before me. Her white tail moved so fast she wiggled her whole body. She leapt
to my face, licking only my cheeks and eyes. Every time I sobbed, she licked me
until I was dry. (Some might argue
coincidence, particularly where my pups lick so much to begin with. But I know
her too well. She’s always been my shadow. She’s always been my other half. We
have this soul-buddy bond.) When she usually licks it is all over, without
discrimination. But that night, she only focused on the tears.
Nothing beats puppy love.
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Proof that nothing beats puppy love.
And proof we're born to be best friends. |
The rest of the week was a blur until the ultrasound appointment, which would
give us more detail. I was emotional distraught and drained. The numb, empty
feeling that comes with depression reared its nasty, unwelcome head.
And then the most remarkable thing happened: it was beaten down. Depression was forced
back into the netherworld by the most powerful of forces – love. The outpouring
of support from friends and family breathed warmth and life back into us all.
Prayers, love, emotional support flocked in from every angle. A few dear
friends I’ve never met offered to help raise funds if we couldn’t afford pricy
treatments or surgeries. The Herbalist my dad is training through heard of our
plight and told us of another who specializes in animals so we can go to her
for treatment. All of this kindness, without a single demand in return. I never
expected any of it. From an awful tragedy, I discovered a tremendous blessing:
how much love my friends, family and I share. I had no idea that, when push
came to shove, I had so many people who had my back.
The day before Peaches’ ultrasound, an unexpected card came in the mail.
Another dear friend had sent me a Valentine to express how much she cherished
our friendship, but with all of the winter storms last week, it got here late.
She was so worried about it not getting here, particularly not on time. But her card arrived precisely when I needed
it most. I arrived right one time as far as I'm concerned. Had I received it on Valentine’s Day, I’d have been touched. I’d not
have loved it any less. Receiving it the day before Peaches’ ultrasound,
though, gave me the extra boost of love I needed to get through. It made it 10x
more special. Heck, it brought me to tears! (I’m one serious softie.) I am so grateful for friends like her. (And for divine timing!)
(Before I continue, I’ll dish off the good news. It’s not great, but it’s good:
the growth isn't spleen cancer. Thank goodness! It won't burst
and she won't have a miserable death because of that. She does, however, have
an enlarged liver and a growth on it. He's 85% sure it isn't cancerous, but
he's told us a test we can have done so we can be definite. Regardless of if it
is or isn't, we'll still have to have her checked every so many months via
x-ray to know if it is growing. Her treatment isn’t over, we still have tests
to do and doctors to see – and her seizures to address – but our largest fear is
now nothing to worry about.)
Then came Friday. I’m jokingly
calling Friday the culmination of synchronicity.
After a simple question from a friend - "Do you have a long dress I could
borrow?" - I finished up the schoolwork I was doing, packed up a few long
dresses I had left over from my high school dance days and dashed over to her
house. What ensued from there was an
impromptu fashion show; we pulled back her hair and dolled her up in all of my
glitzy, sparkly jewelry. She twirled, modeled and posed for paparazzi-style
pictures. With both of us having had a long week, it was great to have a
little bit of girl fun in between homework and life insanity and to just LAUGH.
Two of the dresses fit perfectly and she's bringing them to someone to see if
they can be temporarily altered to fit her even better for her upcoming dances.
Each of them looked stunning on her. She's going to be so beautiful!
Then we sat and sipped on tea. I caught up with her
mother, her little sister, planned on a possible "make-up party" for
her prom, where her older sister (also a dear friend of mine) and I do her make up
together. There'll probably be more giggles than make-up getting done if that
happens!
I thought I was going to miss my Mushroom, her
older sister, so I wrote a little note on an index card and placed it on her
bed. No sooner had I done that, though, then a car pulled in their driveway.
Mushroom! We only visited for a short while, but it was enough for both of us.
We talked about tea, life, her crazy work schedule, my crazy course schedule,
make-up, clothes, good television shows. I also snuggled, played with and got
loved on and kissed by her littlest sister's bunny, Pepper.
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He gives kisses!
I was holding him and he kissed my neck. Bunnies can kiss?!
Nothing beats bunny love! |
The universe conspired to have us see each other for sure. My Mushroom hadn't known I
was coming, yet she'd made sure to get of work exactly on time. She'd even had it in her mind to come drop by my
house on her way home - unannounced - (which would have meant we'd have missed
each other!) but decided to go to her house first and call me from there. I had
been planning to leave by the exact time she'd pulled in the drive way. I love
when the Universe works in special, little ways like that.
She’d had a rough week at work with intense training. I’d had a stressful week.
At the end of both, we got a surprise reward – a few moments with a good
friend. I live for synchronicities like that.
Now, if only Mother Nature can bring a snow-day for Wednesday and make last
night’s dream about a postponed paper come true. ;)
